tastefullyoffensive:

"I nominate Mona Lisa and the Girl with the Pearl Earring." [via]

tastefullyoffensive:

"I nominate Mona Lisa and the Girl with the Pearl Earring." [via]

(via h0odrich)

posted 10 hours ago with 67,910 notes
lunaanswers:

ask-lazyday:

luckyshirt:

Dear guy who just made my burrito:
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients from one end to the other, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO GET TO LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws to accommodate such methods. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.
And guess what else, player? You can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. You and I already know this tortilla was made to maintain its physical integrity for thirty seconds once touched. 
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

I read the last part.And had the misfortune of having water in my mouth as I read the parting sentiments.
long story short, I have boogery water on my tablet now. 

 Ooc: Does he KNOW he’s doing it wrong?

lunaanswers:

ask-lazyday:

luckyshirt:

Dear guy who just made my burrito:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients from one end to the other, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO GET TO LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws to accommodate such methods. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.

And guess what else, player? You can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. You and I already know this tortilla was made to maintain its physical integrity for thirty seconds once touched. 

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

I read the last part.
And had the misfortune of having water in my mouth as I read the parting sentiments.

long story short, I have boogery water on my tablet now. 

 Ooc: Does he KNOW he’s doing it wrong?

(via wewillalldieyoung)

posted 10 hours ago with 98,717 notes

ohnolucas:

toastbabeis:

protect female celebrities whose private photos get leaked at all costs

protect everyone whose private photos get leaked at all costs

(via wewillalldieyoung)

posted 11 hours ago with 4,778 notes

mcsnuggie:

at this point my blood is probably 4.3% pasta sauce

(via trust)

posted 1 day ago with 418,646 notes

jakemalik:

seeing a hot stranger in public is a blessing

seeing the same hot stranger in public again is a sign

(via kanyewesticle)

posted 1 day ago with 392,418 notes

runningmandz:

There’s a difference between wanting to change your body to improve and strengthen it and wanting to change your body because you hate it. It’s important to know the difference because one of those will destroy you from the inside out.

(via funeralformyfat)

posted 1 day ago with 12,346 notes

(via secretbutterflys)

posted 1 day ago with 433,158 notes
14 years old: I'm young but I know what I want. This isn't that hard, I'm all grown up already and have everything figured out.
17 years old: Well, this is a little harder than I thought. School is almost ending. What am I going to do with my life?
21 years old: What the fuck is going on? Where are my socks?
posted 1 day ago with 24,163 notes

wannabeastarshipranger:

perchu:

FILED UNDER: JOKES I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND AS A CHILD

they were talking about his height 

They had not met him yet. This was a penis joke.

(via guy)

posted 1 day ago with 644,902 notes

(via jasmine-blu)

posted 1 day ago with 20,634 notes

dragonjester:

Same

(via guy)

posted 1 day ago with 314,219 notes

disneysnewgroove:

Disney movies in order of historical setting

(Excludes most of the package films. Some films, eg The Lion King, are impossible to pin down exactly and some, like Aladdin and Treasure Planet, are anachronistic, so these are estimations. A few have been split into 2 if there is more than one time period in the movie, and sequels have been put together.)

(via jerkidiot)

posted 1 day ago with 118,853 notes
You looked inside me and you saw hatred, that’s not victory. Victory would’ve been a good Dalek.

(via b-nedict)

posted 1 day ago with 1,046 notes

fight the power!
The thought of this being printed by that printer makes this all the better

fight the power!

The thought of this being printed by that printer makes this all the better

(via toocooltobehipster)

posted 1 day ago with 490,739 notes
☁ T H E M E ☁